Post by Jessa Knight on Mar 13, 2013 0:28:08 GMT -5
Ever feel so heart broken that you can't even sit in a quiet room with out thinking that leads to crying? Well that's me.
Yesterday I didn't want to think about anything I just wanted to watch my violent show so I didn't have to. Well it turned out that there was only one season and the romance it was no help. I didn't want to cry, no not at all, not in the least bit but there I was with every spare moment I ended up doing it with out an having my attention on something else.
I went to bed last night feeling so alone and forgotten that it left a really horrible empty spot in me. I felt scared and lost I didn't know what to do. I actually had to get up and grab on of my dogs to help me sleep. I don't often sleep with a stuff toy but I'm so glad I still have them around. But I just might ruin Danger with all of the tears.
.... tears.... I haven't cried this much since my parents got rid of my dog Tucker since Timber was stolen at least five years before then. ...wow I haven't really cried like this in about 5 or 6 years. Well there was that one time, that I got a call saying that someone had a chance to go away off to the military for job training and I wasn't very happy then I thought I might be losing them.
Nothing will really change we're going to be the best of friends. Yes it made seance but you already were my best of friends. Really I just don't know how to open my mouth without the fear of getting yelled at or smacked. So now I lost my boyfriend for a best friends. You know how hard it's gonna be. After feeling happiness every time we kissed is now like gone?
It's gonna be crappy...
My mind is always putting restricting on me and it bites but most of the time it keeps me from getting in trouble. When we were talking it made a list up
No kissing
No extreme hugging mainly hello and good-bye
Cold room to change
No holding me tight on the bed and falling asleep
No sitting on his lap
No more Lavi
Little to no biting
Always behave he is just a friend now
...A friend that I loved having close loved kissing loved sitting or laying on his lap. This is heart breaking for me. I am glad that he said he still needed me around and that someone actually cried over me. I love every last bit of it I can't promise that I can move on from you. I found my happiness and already slowly after two year I feel like I'm fading away again in the nothing I was before.
I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE!!!
I hated feeling alone and only ever having my toys to talk to. I hated relying on my mind to give me friends. I hated the world that was put around me do to my lost memory. I.....
After school ended my friends became less and less and really to the point that I had Aly and Gil. Its sad I really never thought of him as a boyfriend (as in lover) but always as a boy friend and Aly was my girl friend and that all I had my (wo)man's best friend was taken from me the same year I meant Aly and hid my sorrow behind never wanting to be home so I didn't have to cry. But after three years I could go downstairs and look at his cage but to this day I can't sit it in or look at the tag i made without crying.
I want my Lavi back to the way it was so I don't feel like I do now. I want him to take hold of me and never let me go and kiss me to remind me that he was still there. But after today till who knows when I don't know what I'll do always having to hold myself back. ... But what about if I don't have to anymore and then he wants to do it back. What will I do then?
I not a strong person even though I might act like it I'm no where near there. Today I feeling like I was feel off a boat and was drowning but that one rope was there to save me... but that rope vanished and I fell down below the water crying for my life. Taken over by the water and left me numb and empty.
I spent most of my day keeping busy so I... I kept myself from beating my head off the wall. And well cry to at that fact, but that didn't work as well.
I never want to skip time so bad as of right now. But I guess I got to pull myself to get and put that mask on again. .....this is probably gonna tare me apart on whole new levels...
~Broken
Yesterday I didn't want to think about anything I just wanted to watch my violent show so I didn't have to. Well it turned out that there was only one season and the romance it was no help. I didn't want to cry, no not at all, not in the least bit but there I was with every spare moment I ended up doing it with out an having my attention on something else.
I went to bed last night feeling so alone and forgotten that it left a really horrible empty spot in me. I felt scared and lost I didn't know what to do. I actually had to get up and grab on of my dogs to help me sleep. I don't often sleep with a stuff toy but I'm so glad I still have them around. But I just might ruin Danger with all of the tears.
.... tears.... I haven't cried this much since my parents got rid of my dog Tucker since Timber was stolen at least five years before then. ...wow I haven't really cried like this in about 5 or 6 years. Well there was that one time, that I got a call saying that someone had a chance to go away off to the military for job training and I wasn't very happy then I thought I might be losing them.
Nothing will really change we're going to be the best of friends. Yes it made seance but you already were my best of friends. Really I just don't know how to open my mouth without the fear of getting yelled at or smacked. So now I lost my boyfriend for a best friends. You know how hard it's gonna be. After feeling happiness every time we kissed is now like gone?
It's gonna be crappy...
My mind is always putting restricting on me and it bites but most of the time it keeps me from getting in trouble. When we were talking it made a list up
No kissing
No extreme hugging mainly hello and good-bye
Cold room to change
No holding me tight on the bed and falling asleep
No sitting on his lap
No more Lavi
Little to no biting
Always behave he is just a friend now
...A friend that I loved having close loved kissing loved sitting or laying on his lap. This is heart breaking for me. I am glad that he said he still needed me around and that someone actually cried over me. I love every last bit of it I can't promise that I can move on from you. I found my happiness and already slowly after two year I feel like I'm fading away again in the nothing I was before.
I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE!!!
I hated feeling alone and only ever having my toys to talk to. I hated relying on my mind to give me friends. I hated the world that was put around me do to my lost memory. I.....
After school ended my friends became less and less and really to the point that I had Aly and Gil. Its sad I really never thought of him as a boyfriend (as in lover) but always as a boy friend and Aly was my girl friend and that all I had my (wo)man's best friend was taken from me the same year I meant Aly and hid my sorrow behind never wanting to be home so I didn't have to cry. But after three years I could go downstairs and look at his cage but to this day I can't sit it in or look at the tag i made without crying.
I want my Lavi back to the way it was so I don't feel like I do now. I want him to take hold of me and never let me go and kiss me to remind me that he was still there. But after today till who knows when I don't know what I'll do always having to hold myself back. ... But what about if I don't have to anymore and then he wants to do it back. What will I do then?
I not a strong person even though I might act like it I'm no where near there. Today I feeling like I was feel off a boat and was drowning but that one rope was there to save me... but that rope vanished and I fell down below the water crying for my life. Taken over by the water and left me numb and empty.
I spent most of my day keeping busy so I... I kept myself from beating my head off the wall. And well cry to at that fact, but that didn't work as well.
I never want to skip time so bad as of right now. But I guess I got to pull myself to get and put that mask on again. .....this is probably gonna tare me apart on whole new levels...
~Broken