Post by Jessa Knight on Jun 17, 2012 0:12:45 GMT -5
I never experience pure terror till the dreams started. My dreams where never bad, never ______... you fill in the blank.
Dreams never bothered me, The run away truck, being hunted like an animal, feeling more worthless then real life. ..........now that I think about it, what if my past was a dream. Everything was a dream. The rules that are set in place, the way that I'm supposed to make people around me even strangers feel like they are better then me.
...
...
...
...
...I don't know just a thought. Crossing over the two worlds. One where the really life is and the other, where females are looked down upon.
But that's not my point.
Growing up I always feared a vechial move if you move in it, if it was parked. I would sit there barely breathing, with the fear of it moving. I'd get questioned a lot... I finally snapped out of it about when we started making trips to the lakes for people. I learned that it wouldn't move. I never told anyone the whole story and I don't think I'll start now.
After meeting new people, that faded and the dreams of someone trying to hunt me started. I ran in fear as my family and friends were in danger and it was all up to me to save them. No one to rely on, no one to ask for help,.........no one...... to help......me. Running keeping promises I made and dieing while I was at it. ... Once in a blue moon I survived, but others.... I failed everyone and did not derive the rescuers' help. People, nature, whatever it was, it was always my job to keep the peace even if I ended up crying... for days on end......
Life goes on. I never liked it when people saw me cry. 'You're the strongest person I ever meant!" they would cheer me. I just smiled and thanked them, but I'm not... not in the least. When people see me cry I feel small and weak, and that voice rings out loud CLEAR AS DAY you failed to protect them, you worthless ______ you fill it in. It's horrible I am worthless, as when I get yelled at, when I get shoved aside, as when I get compared, when people make me feel like I'm an animal waiting to be hit for something wrong.... then they leave.
...
Then they leave me, with a broken mirror...
It all comes down to terror.
All things above are related but, this one is one over all. I Never woke up from a dream bursting in tears over a dream. I wake cold and paralyzed for a good while as I try to forget, but it's no good.... I always curled up in a ball at the pillows shaking as I try to get my heart to beat and lungs to breath. i can't sleep after that, no not after that! I can't take it! That's one point I want some one to see my cry and hold me tight....
...
..
...
...It happen three times with no relative cause. I don't understand it I don't want to I just hate feeling so scared that you shake and cry. One night I went to bed late after talking to a friends and once I was out it came. All fine and danie until I cross that line and woke. After that no sleep came for a good two days...
"Nothing happened!" I tell myself and put the mirror out in view. I go on with life not bothering people with problems, and they all seem fine with it. Smile and wave! silly birds, heehee
I may never know what it is behind that twisted laugh, but when it comes at the random moments you just might never know if I was taken off the ground and from STORIES above dropped to my death......
Thank you, Goodbye
-Night
Dreams never bothered me, The run away truck, being hunted like an animal, feeling more worthless then real life. ..........now that I think about it, what if my past was a dream. Everything was a dream. The rules that are set in place, the way that I'm supposed to make people around me even strangers feel like they are better then me.
...
...
...
...
...I don't know just a thought. Crossing over the two worlds. One where the really life is and the other, where females are looked down upon.
But that's not my point.
Growing up I always feared a vechial move if you move in it, if it was parked. I would sit there barely breathing, with the fear of it moving. I'd get questioned a lot... I finally snapped out of it about when we started making trips to the lakes for people. I learned that it wouldn't move. I never told anyone the whole story and I don't think I'll start now.
After meeting new people, that faded and the dreams of someone trying to hunt me started. I ran in fear as my family and friends were in danger and it was all up to me to save them. No one to rely on, no one to ask for help,.........no one...... to help......me. Running keeping promises I made and dieing while I was at it. ... Once in a blue moon I survived, but others.... I failed everyone and did not derive the rescuers' help. People, nature, whatever it was, it was always my job to keep the peace even if I ended up crying... for days on end......
Life goes on. I never liked it when people saw me cry. 'You're the strongest person I ever meant!" they would cheer me. I just smiled and thanked them, but I'm not... not in the least. When people see me cry I feel small and weak, and that voice rings out loud CLEAR AS DAY you failed to protect them, you worthless ______ you fill it in. It's horrible I am worthless, as when I get yelled at, when I get shoved aside, as when I get compared, when people make me feel like I'm an animal waiting to be hit for something wrong.... then they leave.
...
Then they leave me, with a broken mirror...
It all comes down to terror.
All things above are related but, this one is one over all. I Never woke up from a dream bursting in tears over a dream. I wake cold and paralyzed for a good while as I try to forget, but it's no good.... I always curled up in a ball at the pillows shaking as I try to get my heart to beat and lungs to breath. i can't sleep after that, no not after that! I can't take it! That's one point I want some one to see my cry and hold me tight....
...
..
...
...It happen three times with no relative cause. I don't understand it I don't want to I just hate feeling so scared that you shake and cry. One night I went to bed late after talking to a friends and once I was out it came. All fine and danie until I cross that line and woke. After that no sleep came for a good two days...
"Nothing happened!" I tell myself and put the mirror out in view. I go on with life not bothering people with problems, and they all seem fine with it. Smile and wave! silly birds, heehee
I may never know what it is behind that twisted laugh, but when it comes at the random moments you just might never know if I was taken off the ground and from STORIES above dropped to my death......
Thank you, Goodbye
-Night